For the last month I’ve been holed up in my office like a hibernating wolverine, working on what will probably be the next big thing in the church.
Ladies and gentleman, I give you…The Modern Fast For the Modern Man.
We all know that fasting is in the Bible. But here’s the major malfunction – fasting isn’t so fast. I read this book last week that encouraged fasting for forty days. Forty days?!? Who am I, Moses?
Who’s got the time to fast for forty days? Not this guy. I’ve got things to do, lives to change, sermons to preach, a Farmville property to maintain.
A change of epic proportions is clearly in order. When the Catholic Church got out of control, Martin Luther King nailed his Institutes to the door of a church. Call me Martin Luther King. Junior.
So after careful thought, planning, prayer, and a month-long study involving 12,000 YouTube videos, I devised a fast that fits a little better with a fast paced life like mine.
The governing principle of the entire fast is that instead of doing one extended fast I can do six mini fasts. It would probably look something like this…
The Modern Fast
- 8 AM – Wake up
- 8:15 – 8:45 – Mini fast #1
- 9:00 AM – Break mini fast #1 with three egg omelet
- 9:30 – 11:45 – Mini fast #2
- 11:45 – 11:47 – Prayer
- 11:50 – 1:00 PM – Break mini fast #2 with burger and large fries
- 1:00 – 1:01 PM – Listen to clip of worship song on iTunes
- Mini fast #3
Anyway, you get the point. It maintains the same spiritual intensity as the original extended fast but also works around my schedule.
The only thing I don’t like is the name. “Modern Fast” doesn’t sound nearly as profound as “Daniel Fast” or “Holiness Fast”. Any suggestions?
Uh, are you testing to see if we notice you that said Martin Luther King, instead of Martin Luther?
Just sayin’….
I’d call a plan like this something like “The Just Dab’ll Do Ya Fast.”
I like that name Joanna. Or you could call it “A Dab Every Fifteen Minutes Keeps the Hunger Away…”
Call it “Infinifast”. You know, cause you could conceivably fast forever using this new break-through method.
That’s a great point Brian. With this awesome new fast you could fast from now until the rapture.
Brilliant! I’m thinking “Raptufast” or maybe “Faspture”. I give you my full permission to use either without rolyaties; but a shout-out would be nice in case this idea sweeps the nation… or globe. Both are likely.
I’ve got this. (Drumroll please:)
Fast Forward.
Thank you, thank you, I be here all de week.
Matthew, nice one!! rofl
Maybe just “Fast Fasts”… or “Relevant Fast”… or “The New Fast, Fast.”
Hey, I had a random thought. Totally unrelated to your incredible post. But I’m sure you’ll appreciate the spontaneity. If you created a Facebook fan-club profile where your followers could “like” you, word would spread pretty fast of your awe-inspiring thoughts and adventures as posted on here.
My $0.02 for ya. 
Oh, oh. I just thought of another, better one.
The Fast Of Jabez.
Taken out of Biblical context, it kinda sounds like Jabez was a lot like you. He wanted God to bless him with an enlarged border. You have a Farmville border to enlarge. He asked God to keep him from harm and pain. You don’t even want hunger pains, much less harm! But, I mean, if God granted what he asked, as selfish as it sounds if you only read that one verse (1 Chronicles 4:10), I’m sure Bruce Wilkinson would agree that He should bless your fast. I don’t know if you’d legally have to consult Bruce before using the title, though.