For the last month I’ve been working on the biggest, secretest project of my pastoral career. This is bigger than the time I made a full size eagle costume for the “fly away from your problems” sermon illustration. This is bigger than the time I almost booked Pat Sajak (he backed out at the last minute with an ‘alleged’ stomach problem – whatever) to preach at my church.
What am I talking about?
The Christmas Pageant Extravaganza 2011.
Let’s face it folks, Christmas has fallen on some dang hard times. Just look around. People are putting inflatable reindeer in their yards and calling it “Christmas”. Yeah right pal. That ain’t Christmas where I come from. It’s time to put the “mas” (Spanish for “more”) back in Christmas. It’s time to make Christmas special again. To get away from all the hustle and bustle and focus on what really matters.
If we’re going to reach the lost, we’ve got to appeal to the lost. We’ve got to open up their chests, take out their hearts, and pour a whole lot of love into them.
Hence the pageant.
I haven’t arranged all the details yet, but on Christmas day you will find all of the following in my church.
Twelve Dancing Dwarfs – So it turns out that elves aren’t real. They don’t teach you stuff like that in grade school. No wonder our schools are failing. Anyway, elves aren’t real, but dwarfs are, and I managed to secure the services of a dancing dwarf troop called “The Flying Dutchmen”. I think that they can sing too, and I’m hoping for some sort of rendition of “Silent Night” mixed in with Irish step dancing.
Four Live Camels - After this nasty camel incident, camels are selling for dirt cheap on Ebay. I bought four of them and have them tied up out back. I’m thinking that some of the children in the church may want to ride into the pageant on the camels. Or maybe some of the elderly folk. It could be like a sign of respect for them, or something like that.
Kenny G – Okay, so I haven’t actually booked Kenny G yet, but I do have a call into his agent. And you’ve got to admit, it would bring down the house if Kenny G was in the house. Nothing says Christmas like Kenny G, except for maybe Bing Crosby. I wasn’t successful in securing the services of Bing, but I did try.
A Flaming Christmas Tree – I’ve got my people working on this one as we speak. Basically, I want a forty foot flaming Christmas tree in the center of the church. It would be like a combination of the burning bush (Old Testament), and a Christmas tree (New Testament). There may be a few safety issues, but I really think it’s manageable.
What else should be included in the pageant?
